Recently, I don't know what I'm feeling or doing..

Maybe because I've become lazier ever since I quit Sakae?
That place sucks to the core! Crazy working attitude-d manager, hypocrite staff and wad's more is their impoliteness. I hate it. Ever since I quit it, I've always been at home, and one big thing is that I rarely even go over to accompany her. Well, I tried my best to go over really my best. But something seems wrong, very wrong. I promised her to go with her to work, yet my mind tells me, am I simply lazy? I'm not working YET I'M GOING TO ACCOMPANY HER DURING WORK? *her work is alone in the shop

Well, it simply makes me even madder. I've been thinking, quarrelling more and more, talking on the fone simply usually lead to quarrels, if not is very quiet. Very not smooth sailing. Why? Maybe it's really me. I can't get myself out of my feeling, guilt and laziness.

I'm really feeling guilty, guilty of not working depending on my parents.
Feeling guilty of breaking promises I made to her.
Feeling guilty of Not going to find a job.
Feeling irritated of am I doing the right thing to not work?
- I need time for FYP!
- I need time to build up before NS
- I need time to rest!
- I need time to accompany her not much though.
= No time to work.
Feeling so sad over her attitude towards me
- I know that she's upset over her family(something I can't control)
- I'm helpless and "pestered" by my guilt that I don't want to go accompany her during work!

So much sadness, over this relationship, I still believe that it's not time to end. There's still hope as long as she's willing to understand, as long as I'm still willing to change...

But shld I change for her sake? If I change, will I be a better person? Accompanying her like what Jerome's doing, is it best for myself and her?
- I know what she desires, accompany her whenever I can.
- Such that everytime she work i'll accompany her...
- Go over for dinner to accompany her..
- Help her with stuffs that she can't handle

Well I truely know that she wants me to love her, but I'm really limited to myself.
- Time's a great problem
- Love for her I think it's still there for her

Seriously, Dardar, what I've wanted to tell u is...
I can't help you much,
I can't accompany you as much as you desire,
I can't even help myself out of my problem,
I've simply no one to turn to when I'm feeling down,
I can't turn to you because you're very affected and cause me to be even more down,
I can't turn to my family because they're too busy with their problems,
My brother and sisters or sometimes even parent need my support to their troubles,
Not many friends around.. so don't need to say much.
Burdens on my shoulder is not as little as you think it is Dar.
I feel so heavy, can you help me?
I wish I can help you feel better you know?
Smiling in front of you, hoping that you may brighten my days.
But I spoil it always. =(

my soul's always crying, can you hear?
it's screaming deep within... T_T

WeiJie loves Jess



Recent happenings ALOT lor!
If I need to write down 100 page also not enough for me to write lor.
Okay.. Let me start with what I'm doing recently,
Chinese New Year! First Greet people who are reading this entry HAPPY CNY! Ang bao many many, if little don't ask me share with u all.. not willing to =/ *hehe*
Of course 'CNY eve' ate steamboat with my family, grandma and my Darling, happy of course. The prawn we ate was sooo Big. Bigger than normal one u see in the market. Hmmm.. Juicy and Fleshy!

Actually I'm lazy to blog down what I'm experiencing these few days. Not really happy cos I find people ard me suffering, while... maybe I'm not experiencing those. Mother not happy, Father not happy, Uncle seems not happy too. Brother and Sister seems bothered. Darling's always troubled by her sisters while parent are doing nothing. Great~ While I, myself dunno if I'm suppose to be happy that I'm not experiencing these. Maybe not that I nvr experience, but more of I'm ignorant. People gossip behind my back, Well I don't know.. I don't care too =) As long as I don't hear, say whatever they want.

Practically hate myself. I've quit Sakae sushi becos of some simple yet stupid reason. Maybe meaningful. weekdays 5 days - mon to fri school till 430pm, see dardar home till 630pm. FYP coming up, and also need to become fitter for NS. I'm going to learn driving too. If work is included in my future life. See arh.... they require me to work 4 DAYS a week. Which mean I've to burn my Wk end. 5days in wk days, nite do FYP take it 2 days. 3 days left..... do push up sit up etc... Until I die? NONO! so i quit.. more time for myself and Dardar... Hopefully I'll be happier this way.

Haiz... why? Why am I in this world. To see these disgust, and see my love ones suffer. Hate it. I'm helpless, tire out by nonsense and listening to nonsense. Hmmmm.. Those who chose to ignore and not help are so..... *AHEM*

nvm.. no names... bored... lifeless.. need to rest.. it's 1:44pm already.. go sleep.. Nite.. So vex..zzz



I stayed throughout the LESSON!!! Happily!!!
Wahahaha.. I think because it's going to be holiday.
There's a few thing I see which is irritating.
Lol.. Some people in my class who is damn shit. :D



today's(sunday) a bad bad day.
Started off with not going to work at 12pm, I'm suppose to go at 12pm and leave at 9pm which is kidda long~ thus decided not to go. I message my manager that I'm unable to go due that I've UT tmr(monday). then she replied not enough people work how to find another person to take after me. I nvr reply. She follow up another message to me, work at 6pm compulsory. Seeing this message somehow made me feel even like... must work and help them out. Thus, I slept and rest until "enough". But still not enough. I messaged dar, going to find her after her work. then haiz, i overslept until 430 which then not enough time to reach there. i decided to cancel the meeting and my common sense tells me, she's going to gimme cold shoulders again. tried messaging her before i go to work, in the end all the short and sloppy replies come. Decided to let go of it, and go to work. today's work wasn't that bad, but time was draggy. Staff and customers seem alright today, but there're still some attitude that has to be improved. I was thinking of going home to rest early! Ren Mei then suggest to go play POOL. sucks. I didnt' intend to go at all, i was like.. so tired~~ I wanna go home. Seeing that so many people's going made me like... maybe i shld just go.. then go play abit. I did enjoy for awhile and after which I'm all bored...
sad, Dar still gives me cold shoulders. Hate it, but i think it's my fault anyway.
so.... my fault lor :) take some time to change anyway.. this is the way i am.. so... some time :)

tmr got school.. sian again~ BUT MUST WORK FOR A JUST LIKE ON FRIDAY! jia you jia you jiayou



everyday i see my parent, they ask me how's school.
do u know the feeling of going to school everyday and NOT knowing what you're doing there?
it's seriously not a good feeling, today, I'm trying to know what I am doing. But all these codes just drives me nuts. I'm not learning anything.
I don't want to disappoint my parent, I don't wan to fail my Poly life.
I want to learn something, but what I'm facing is.. I do not know what to do.
It's not that i rather to be spoon feed, but this time round. I feel, traditional way of teaching is better.
I wanna ask people, PBL solves a problem everyday. the problem of this PBL IS THAT, who do RP hire? facilitators who are from other polys, this shows how important is PBL.
I don't see the need in PBL, first of all is that other poly doesn't focus so much in problem solving.
I see.... me failing myself, feeling more and more depressed everyday, wasting my time in class, feeling guilty everyday because of my parents. It sucks.. seriously.

anyone.. can help me? help me learn.. please... i need help



I feel so sian, I want to learn something I like that next time I can work as.
I realise WoW isn't something that I should place my time in.
I always have this thinking, I wanna master everything in life, but I came across this sentence (Jack of All Trade, Master of none.)
This is what I learn in WoW, being a druid, pally or shaman(hybrid class) meaning they can take any class in game, but not as good. Which fits in just nice of the top sentence. haha.. Unlike rogue, they can dps well without worries. I learn that everyone has their strong points, that's why some people are able to adapt to everything but not mastering any. Yet some is unable to adapt to situations due to their mastery.

Something eh? Hahaha.. Recently, I was motivated to cook, yet don't know where to start. Some of my friends even told me, start cooking maggie! -.-'' Haiz, don't know how to put it in words. Hahaha.. Next time :)



Today's a boring day at workplace, trust me.. you don't wanna work at Sakae Sushi, it's damn boring and tiring. So many people come and go, staffs. And customers are getting more and more attitude.. typically hate people ard this area. Maybe cause most of them are already spoilt brats. :X lol..

I know I neglect you, Dar. I've been thinking, since i've made you so sad, shld I even let you go? Then there's once a chance whereby some old grand ah pek say something I overheard. sTay to one if you want things to succeed. if we keep changing nothing will be a success.

I wanted to work more for money, I see the need of presence in our life. I do not intend to stay at ur hse all the while. Okay here i've some comments for people who wish to tag and ask question, IF YOU WISH TO COMMENT SOMETHING BAD, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.

For someone to understand our situation is NOT as easy as they say it is. So don't act like YOU KNOW. first, if I've to stay in ur house for almost everyday, I'd rather not. Second, If I've to go out everytime and window-shop, I'd rather not. Third, if money is not important, think again.

we go out eat kfc, I don't like taking money from my mum. I hate that feeling.
i wanna buy shirt etc.. I don't like taking money from my mum. I hate it too!
i wanna treat you eat something good, I DO NOT take money from my mum is MY TREAT.
i wish to buy you something, a surprise, or something, I'd buy it using my money.
to window shop most the time, I'd rather stay at home and rot.
to love you without money, I'd rather not, reasons are all the above.

Money is not everything, but without money, there's nothing ard us but this so called love. and i believe, love will cool down after certain time. thus, it takes money to maintain the relationship, e.g. surprises makes our relationship more fun or whatever. Know what i mean.