Recently, I don't know what I'm feeling or doing..

Maybe because I've become lazier ever since I quit Sakae?
That place sucks to the core! Crazy working attitude-d manager, hypocrite staff and wad's more is their impoliteness. I hate it. Ever since I quit it, I've always been at home, and one big thing is that I rarely even go over to accompany her. Well, I tried my best to go over really my best. But something seems wrong, very wrong. I promised her to go with her to work, yet my mind tells me, am I simply lazy? I'm not working YET I'M GOING TO ACCOMPANY HER DURING WORK? *her work is alone in the shop

Well, it simply makes me even madder. I've been thinking, quarrelling more and more, talking on the fone simply usually lead to quarrels, if not is very quiet. Very not smooth sailing. Why? Maybe it's really me. I can't get myself out of my feeling, guilt and laziness.

I'm really feeling guilty, guilty of not working depending on my parents.
Feeling guilty of breaking promises I made to her.
Feeling guilty of Not going to find a job.
Feeling irritated of am I doing the right thing to not work?
- I need time for FYP!
- I need time to build up before NS
- I need time to rest!
- I need time to accompany her not much though.
= No time to work.
Feeling so sad over her attitude towards me
- I know that she's upset over her family(something I can't control)
- I'm helpless and "pestered" by my guilt that I don't want to go accompany her during work!

So much sadness, over this relationship, I still believe that it's not time to end. There's still hope as long as she's willing to understand, as long as I'm still willing to change...

But shld I change for her sake? If I change, will I be a better person? Accompanying her like what Jerome's doing, is it best for myself and her?
- I know what she desires, accompany her whenever I can.
- Such that everytime she work i'll accompany her...
- Go over for dinner to accompany her..
- Help her with stuffs that she can't handle

Well I truely know that she wants me to love her, but I'm really limited to myself.
- Time's a great problem
- Love for her I think it's still there for her

Seriously, Dardar, what I've wanted to tell u is...
I can't help you much,
I can't accompany you as much as you desire,
I can't even help myself out of my problem,
I've simply no one to turn to when I'm feeling down,
I can't turn to you because you're very affected and cause me to be even more down,
I can't turn to my family because they're too busy with their problems,
My brother and sisters or sometimes even parent need my support to their troubles,
Not many friends around.. so don't need to say much.
Burdens on my shoulder is not as little as you think it is Dar.
I feel so heavy, can you help me?
I wish I can help you feel better you know?
Smiling in front of you, hoping that you may brighten my days.
But I spoil it always. =(

my soul's always crying, can you hear?
it's screaming deep within... T_T

WeiJie loves Jess