Today's a boring day at workplace, trust me.. you don't wanna work at Sakae Sushi, it's damn boring and tiring. So many people come and go, staffs. And customers are getting more and more attitude.. typically hate people ard this area. Maybe cause most of them are already spoilt brats. :X lol..

I know I neglect you, Dar. I've been thinking, since i've made you so sad, shld I even let you go? Then there's once a chance whereby some old grand ah pek say something I overheard. sTay to one if you want things to succeed. if we keep changing nothing will be a success.

I wanted to work more for money, I see the need of presence in our life. I do not intend to stay at ur hse all the while. Okay here i've some comments for people who wish to tag and ask question, IF YOU WISH TO COMMENT SOMETHING BAD, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.

For someone to understand our situation is NOT as easy as they say it is. So don't act like YOU KNOW. first, if I've to stay in ur house for almost everyday, I'd rather not. Second, If I've to go out everytime and window-shop, I'd rather not. Third, if money is not important, think again.

we go out eat kfc, I don't like taking money from my mum. I hate that feeling.
i wanna buy shirt etc.. I don't like taking money from my mum. I hate it too!
i wanna treat you eat something good, I DO NOT take money from my mum is MY TREAT.
i wish to buy you something, a surprise, or something, I'd buy it using my money.
to window shop most the time, I'd rather stay at home and rot.
to love you without money, I'd rather not, reasons are all the above.

Money is not everything, but without money, there's nothing ard us but this so called love. and i believe, love will cool down after certain time. thus, it takes money to maintain the relationship, e.g. surprises makes our relationship more fun or whatever. Know what i mean.



Yesterday, I'm at home the whole day becos my ricky is sick -.- intend to bring him down for a walk but my mum says later he itch so cannot bring him down. I was thinking, if you are in a relationship.. there's alot of 'Suppose-to-do' thing expected from you. it definitely sucks. I was thinking in a relationship, there must be mutual understanding, freedom, love and actions that'll pull each other up? I hate to say but I feel stress whenever Dardar asks me a question. Tired of it, but is it just me?

Lastly, everyone shld know that this blog serve as a diary to me, thus i'm not trying to hurt or spite anyone from here. Please gimme your understanding.








Ever since I know Dardar, her family has shown me lots of stuff that I've never really experience. I always thought as long as you stay neutral, everything will be fine. Nope, that's not the case in Women's world or shld i say it's will never exist in childish world. In a world where people have not grown up, they'll never stop being childish and making people feel sad. Her sisters are one very good example, to be made know to the world. Experience it and FEEL it..

It's not as easy as saying ignore it. for all you know, we'll be affected and change to someone like them :'( sad isn't it.. I'm a non-christian, her family's a christian... but their actions tells me alot.. we believe that God has his reasons for making us feel and act this way, retribution I believe too. Just like what Dardar says, when will theirs come? I don't know too. Unless, I've really come close to something that knows everything. Maybe GOD? when I die :D hahaha..

There are alot of people who's willing to show you their sincerity, alot of people who's waiting to humiliate you. Be wary sometimes isn't the best way, e.g when someone treats you sincerely but you are weary of them resulting disappointments. Whereby when you are caught off guard by stabbers, YOU DIE TERRIBLY. To what I feel.. It's such a sad world, yet beautiful.. :)

Recently, I've so much thoughts regarding life. Experiencing 19 years of different lifetime stages. I've feel, see and sense to much in life. Happy, sadness, disappointment, greed, hypocrisy, vex or angry times. Emotions... are so irritating at times. :)

I wanna thank people for reading my blog :) Alot of people who really take their time here to read :) Remember to tag so I know you are reading even if it's just 'tag tag!! YOU are tagged!!'

Hehehe.. LOTS OF THANKS TO PEOPLE HERE!! :)



relationship always got so many problem. maybe cause it's wrong to even start when we don't know each other. after we got to know each other, then we found that our character don't match. e.g. what you like i don't like, thus wish to change/accomodate to me of what i like. -.- love like this isn't love. it's trying to be selfish.

maybe if we were to be more selfishless, we can be together happier. do you agree dardar? i don't deny saying that i'm all tire out by you, i don't blame you. because just like ur friend 'xiaoyun' says, you focus more on relationship, and you aren't wrong on that. but ur friend isn't wrong too, she's more into friendship.. thus both of you expect different things from each of ur boyfriend.

maybe now that i understand.. why michelle and jerome can be so happy. See it Dardar! Here's the difference. Jerome's willing to give up friendship and family for Michelle, whereby Michelle is like ur 'xiaoyun' putting friends as first priority. Thus, Jerome's able to ACCOMODATE to Michelle whereby I see that she can't accomodate to Jerome. Agree/understand? This's what I see so far, so much that I experience so far from you.

Now let's talk about us, you put me as your first priority, not like I don't know. Thus, just like ur friend says, both of you expect different things from each of us. e.g. 'xiaoyun's willing to buy WOW for her boyfriend, she believe in him that as long as he has time to chat with her it's ENOUGH. Whereby if I were to play WOW, you won't be able to tolerate and start wild thinking e.g. Do you still love me etc...

Reason being, I'm not able to put you as first priority and you are focusing too much on me. I know you love me and I love you, but the thing is... Love is love, I seek freedom and trust in it. Dardar, I don't expect you to Accomodate to my schedule. neither do I want you to feel sad whenever i'm not with you. I wan you to know, ur time is precious.. don't waste it by waiting for me. I'm trying to tell you, make good use of ur time to achieve something.. Be frank, Dardar.. I give u a situation...

if Both of us are always together 24/7, happily together... will we achieve anything in life? I wish to achieve something which I feel is more important than just love now! Darling, Love is hard to find, but achieve something in life is also important.. You understand mah?? I always don't know how to tell you, i'm afraid to hurt you unintentionally. but if i don't say u'll see that relationship is more important than anything now.

Conclusion, i'm happy with you around. I love the way you are. I wish you to do something that you like to achieve in future. set it yourself.. no one is born to be talented. I wish to stay with you forever. Now I wanna achieve something, I seek trust and freedom. Until marriage I'll be like this.

Marriage is when I've decided to settle down. Commitment will then be set. Dar.. I know you are suffering now in ur family because of ur sisters. Darling, I've see something in u. You put things too much weigh in relations(relationships and friendship), you have no goals that u'll like to achieve. Just like someone without anything seeking something around. then when someone tell u that you can't... you'll think u can't. thus, I'll say it's confidence and boldness to step out. It's what you lack. I've bring you out of last relationship, with ur ex'es. I'm here for you now, take a step out. I'm willing to be your pillar. I'll help you if u need.

Take time to read my this entry. I've thought so much before writing these. not to spite you, but hope you'll understand what you lack and what you need now. Lastly, Darling, I love you. No lie.



we live once in a lifetime.
Since the time we were born.
our fate wasn't written, that's what i believe.
if our fate was written, i'd rather not live on since someone has already plan everything I'll stay at home to sleep and do nothing.
okay lar.. whatever it is.. anyway..

everyone has the choice of...
whether you wanna live the way you want?
e.g. do you want a happy life?
so how to make urself happy?

do you always follow ur tight schedule?
and in the end feel damn stressed up?

OR do you wan a carefree life, whereby you live for urself and do whatever u feel like.

For me, I find that if we always follow what we plan, that's boring but of course there's order in ur life. But to me, this order is nothing more than routine. Thus, for me I'd rather not have a schedule. I'd rather follow my feelings and do whatever I feel like doing. just for work, a job, bo bian.. that one is give le then must go and earn money

I decide le.. from next week onwards, my schedule will be given as below:
Tuesday 6-1030pm
Friday 6-1030pm
Saturday 12-1030pm
Sunday 12 - 5pm

total up each week will have 4.5 +4.5 + 8.5+5 = 22.5hr per week
my pay is 5.5/hr,
which makes up S$123.75 per week.
a month of s$495.

after cpf = s$495 * (20%*20%) = s$475.20
this is dec '07, jan '08 to dec '08

which is = to 13months
13mth * 475.2 = 6177.60 at the end of next year.

I need to save this up because I know during the time of NS... I won't have much income. :)
I'm aiming for 10k so it means if I'm able to.. I'll try to work more from temporary job for more income :) Of course while I wish to achieve this, I will not forget my Dardar..

Darling I'll accompany her like on special occasions or weekdays bah.. It all depends, because for all I know she's not very keen in going out. Maybe cause both of us don't have much money.
I've listen to a few songs recently that makes me feel very.... sad?

Nah.. I don't know how I actually feel..
Darling.. u know I went back to secondary school on friday night right?
My ex wasn't there :/ while my Ba mei, Qiu Xuan, mention about her for some things lar... And my friend also asked abit about that poly posting thing about her.. Darling... I know once things are scarred, it can never be the same... And I know I love you as much as I love myself.

I love your company, I love everything about you. But one thing I cannot deny is that, she's my first love. Maybe just like some songs that I've listen to recently... I can't really.... forget her... I feel so guilty whenever I think of it.. So sorry that I've kept it so long, and I guess u've felt it before. Doesn't matter.. Dar, my feelings for her is different... some complicated feelings that I myself don't know what's it :) But I'm glad that I love u..

I know, U see this part you won't feel good, but it's better than keeping it from you. Since we are together.. I believe that being 'transparent' may be best for both of us. Because through this we can know each other better.

I was watching TV just now, and there's a part where they say... Maybe it's both of them being too selfish to NOT TAKE time to understand each other, instead they tried to accomodate to each other... and in the end, tried to change the other party. So what happen is that both party will no longer be happy. Just like your sister, Michelle. I see that she's trying to change Jerome just to accomodate to her own lifestyle. Something that even Jerome give way, he 'may not be happy'... I tell you this because I've quite some thoughts here... But temporary cannot recall.. TOO much to say in just one entry... maybe next time give u a letter with all my thoughts bah :) May be better this way :)

I've always this inspiration of writing a book about life... conflicts in life, value of life.. And the meaning of life... ALL ABOUT LIFE.. :) I see many things in my life.. but maybe not enough yet.. :D
to be cont.....



I just left my class for dunno what reason.. I myself isn't sure too. My class doesn't seem like a class. No one talks and no one jokes much as a class. Everyone's doing their own work. Best thing is team doesn't seem like a team. Wasted MY WHOLE 8HOURS IN CLASS. waste of time. Faci keep saying that can ask this this this and this person may be able to teach. REPUBLIC POLY SUCKS, system's buang! It's waste of MY time, MY energy and MY MONEY to study here..



After reading Dardar's blog I think... I've really changed.
It's not that it's no longer us. but more of.. I feel... nothing more to talk about.
sad isn't it? it's sad to say this but I guess it's true. I wanted to tell her what's happening around me so that she'll know what's happening ard me and she's telling me all about her stuff too. I'm working and basketball had distracted my attention from you. Sometimes, it's hard to set priority because it hurts the other.

Anyway. What I simply mean is that, our love still exists right? I'm unsure of this at the moment. I read ur blog, it's as if I've changed. I no longer love u. But I'm sure and deep down in my heart that I still care and love u. Hmmm.. Maybe I've changed and I nvr notice. Maybe it's just as what U say, our priority are wrong?? Lol.. Maybe more of mine is wrong.

Darling, I just wanna tell u now. Live for yourself. Don't ever live for the sake of others. I'm living for most of the people ard me, until now I've decided to change to live for myself. I've wasted 19 years without even having much fun. I don't wanna continue wasting my time.

Not that you waste my time, or anything. It's difficult to explain in words.
Time is a constraint I faced.

1ST THING U'LL NEED TO KNOW. i LOVE U
2ND THING I KNOW. NOT ENOUGH TIME
3RD THING I KNOW. NO MONEY
4TH THING I KNOW. I NEED TO IMPROVE MYSELF
5TH THING WE NEED TO KNOW. OUR RELATIONSHIP NEEDS EFFORT TO MAINTAIN
6TH THING I WANT U KNOW KNOW IS. LIVE FOR YOURSELF.
ALOT MORE... ASK ME



hey guys.. I need suggestions..

I'm able to afford for only 1 of the followings.
1. PSP Bundle $420
*I've been craving for it like 6months

2. World Of Warcraft: Burning Crusade and 60days Prepaid Card for $75
*Where to find such a bargain??

3. Bring Girlfriend out on Christmas for celebration, buy her favourite things and Treat Family Sushi
*Once in a year situation

Which one should I choose??