After 1 whole week of working... Finally I've reach my target of SGD$468.75 of November pay. It's quite little eh? I wanna save as much as possible. For those who have been reading my entries, they'll know that I'm craving for a PSP alot. But I guess, I will drop the idea of buying that. I've went to forum and saw that PSP 2 not slim will be most likely be out March 08. Nice eh? But still quite a long time, until then I'll work alot so that i can earn some money money eh? Hahaha..

My target for this coming month, December, SGD$652.08. Of course for me to reach this amount, I'll need to work alot for this coming month, total of estimated 123.5hours. hehehe.. How I wish tmr I can pick 1000 dollar from anywhere and everywhere!!!

Going to sleep liao, tired~ after one whole day of work....



I believe many will believe why I blog at this timing is because I just finish our conversation on the phone. We almost broke up. But I'll see what bah, Maybe tmr we'll break up also not sure. I've said all sort of nonsense, all chunk of nonsense to her. Until she said somethings that made me understand that I'm so selfish. Used to keep feeling that fetching and staying at her house are so inconvenient. Sucks totally with her sisters and family around. Totally nothing to do. Yes, dreadful. But until now, I realised that I'm selfish. I've always been putting convinence in front of HER. Damn, what am I thinking?? if i truely want a relationship I must have the spirit to give up certain things. not dunno what i want in this relationship.

Darling, I'm sorry. From the start of this relationship, I've not really considered what I want from it. I know you always have been putting me as ur priority, but I did not. :'( I'm very very sorry. I apologised, maybe I'm not suited for you. I'm considering.. considering.. if we shld break up. But I know, whenever I see ricky i'll remember you. :p no joke k? I love you, just that i was blinded. Maybe I shld consider giving myself some time to adapt again. to be a good boyfriend. I've hurt you again tonight :( I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I don't want to. Just that I'm selfish. So sorry :( Forgive me, for whatever things I've done in the past.

I may not be a good guy you've been seeking for, but I'll try my best to meet your expectation. Gimme some time. I'll try to. I'm always 'myself', always all about me :( Sorry.



today I am sick so i never go school also :X
hehe.. sian..

rest at home.. finally my computer is back to normal.. can upgrade to MSOffice 07 le, so happy.
was looking at psp for most of my time today. i went online to see bids from people in ebay for ff7 crisis core psp slim. this limited edition I've been aiming for it for quite some time le, thought it'll be release in singapore, but too bad only in japan. 777 777 models are released and all sold out now. thus, quite a number of people are leaving it for bids in ebay. for many of them, they'll ask what's so special about this ff7 psp slim other than extra flowering on it. You are so damn wrong, it represent something to us, a symbol of us fans of ff7.. Nice game, nice everything in this game. but if I can't get it, it'll be such a regret for me :( maybe it won't be that serious after some time :)


Hope darling will recover soon :) me too, get well.



bores me to death!
stayed at home the whole day,
morning wake up brush teeth, drink milo and ate nasi lemak for breakfast.
went to download some games to play, o2jam, audition, zeroonline and maplestory to play.
started playing with my siblings maple for 2hours until 3pm.
took a nap till 5pm, skipped my lunch.
dad came back ard 6pm and we watched tv together since I stopped my WOW or any games.
somehow controlled myself from playing games, seem so lifeless.
went online again, talk alittle to dardar, friendster look look, then play audition for awhile while calling dardar..
i was on the fone with darling, today i think moodswing arh.. not really in good mood, instead bad mood, feel quite vex over something i don't know.

recently, or i shld say few months back. me and darling only had occasionally laughter which we enjoy. used to be always laughing. I don't know why, maybe my craps ran out? her comments and things she say start to be quite 'quarrelish'. darling, i dunno how to tell you, here i wanna let u know that. whenever you talked to me, or whoever starts a conversation, it seems that we start off with some of ur family problems and gossips of ur sisters or whatever others call it. if not is that we'll quarrel, if not is we are very silent.. dunno what to say. What's wrong with us? Because either of us changed? or both of us changed? topic seems to have run out.. we talk on the fone for mostly less than 1hours a day, i know i'm the one to put down the fone most of the time, because i feel that it's no point hanging on the fone while nothing to talk about. silly isn't it? but it's true.. we don't have much to talk about.. why? is it because of my work that affected us? remember friday? we were together the whole day? I've never felt any distance between us..

from what i currently see is that... when we have less time together we'll be quarrelling more often.. then will cause our topic to turn to mostly negative side..meaning if next time i go army.. even though u know that i've a reason to not stay by ur side.. u'll still leave me. as i said, less time and u'll feel sad.. no one to turn to.. sadly.. i don't want that to happen.. can we work something out? any reader can gimme a tag and suggest something?

Loves darling. :(



people who are reading this entry must think.. why i say i'm pathetic, not to ask any sympathy from anyone, read on and u'll know =)

Girlfriend, a gal whom I've a relationship with, condition someone who can make me happy and feel relax when I'm with her. Not a burden nor a stress. I've a galfriend :) I'm happy to have her :) But i can see she's not happy with me. First, I'm like her best friend whom she can come and I lend her my listening ear, listening to all her troubles, making her feel better.
but recently, I've been making her feel very down instead of feeling better. I can't be by her side most of the time. Either my choice or out of no choice. My schedule is rather tight, work and her and studies. Let me explain in more details.

I've this girlfriend, name Jessica. She's a nice girl and cute in size too. But she has a very bad temper. I've to work, cause my parents can't really support me with whatever I want. It's not bad to work, just that some stress such as work environment, people in work place and Darling have been stressing me. Work environment and people in work place are starting to improve, I think it'll last for some time :) Darling side is quite a difficult part for me to understand and do as what she want. She hopes that I can accompany her most of my time, and too bad that I can't. I've work and school to attend. School from 830am till 430pm. work on tuesday, friday, sat and sun. Tuesday and friday after school 6pm to 1030pm. Sat and sun from 12pm till 1030pm. I know I'm neglecting her liao. I know she's giving everything up very soon. I don't want that to happen. it makes me feel so bad and guilty that I've been neglecting her. but in order to balance my life with her, I've to work. She has so many things to buy that I can't buy her everything like Jerome and Yiliang(her sisters' stead), Their boyfriends can accompany them whenever they like because they've no concern in financial wise. They are in a somehow quite rich family. thus, I guess they don't have to work :) I know this guy Jerome has got work, and this work gives Jessica's sister have the chance to extend the time with him. Staying over, work together

My dArling has been very bothered by this incident, and thus got lots of unhappy incident. My fault to start with eh? Because I'm not a rich boyfriend whom has lots of time, and money :( Is that right? I can't accompany her the way Jerome accompany her sister, Michelle. I can't spend money like Yiliang on Joanna, like paying up for her insurance policy $100 per month. Hahaha.. My love for darling is not fake, but it's fading. I'm feeling very not confident that my darling can tolerate this any longer. But if I wan money for her, I've to scarifice my time for her. It's always balance in life. I want both, greedy and impossible too.

Does she understand my point whenever I say No, I can't go over for dinner? It's because I'm feeling very tired or I've work. I'm always feeling very tired almost everyday!! I've stopped playing my WOW for like a week or so... Giving me more time to rest. It had turn better with time spend on darling, but she doesn't seem to be satisfied. Let's put it this way. At nite, It's getting late like 12mn, for most people it's still early they can say huh?! your bf rather sleep than to talk to you on the fone? Lol! Please consider it that I'm not a good boyfriend or anything. No one can't understand unless you are in my position.

My dear darling has family problems, alot of it. I can't help her with it, but to always push her to her friends. I was once very bothered and i know friends can play quite a big part in making ourselves feel better. Thus, I often push her away so that she can feel better. What's worse is that she has quite a number of guy friends. Dilys says.. she saw she's with a guy that time when darling boarded the bus. I did not confront her regarding this because I'm assuming that's her friend. So it's okay. I did not see her home because I need to go for work, or I'm tired and need to go home for a quick rest.

Often that she says it's alright, she don't mind going home alone from the bus interchange. I can feel that she isn't. I can see that she wants lots of time with me. I hope I can. I hope I do. Gimme more time.


I really hope u understand. I'm stressing myself to be a better boyfriend.
I am pathetically living for others. :( Hate this, don't used to be living for others. I wanna break out of it. Break out of living for others.


I went to school with darling just now, happily wake up and i happen to be very awake. Intended to continue staying in school and do ppt. Jia yan never come, susan, dan cheng and yi feng etc all never come, except for some boring people in class which is very boring. U've never come into my class and really see, what's my class like.. Like I always tell leonard, It's like a graveyard.. no jokes, no talks, no chats.. with facilitator that talk to themselves and worksheet that's resourceful but misleading and problem statement that's so vague, PDT/FMT that's useless.

Who will wanna stay in this school? Gimme a reason please. FMT... I don't wanna say ar.. last time how we know whether there's fish bone in fish anot.. USE FMT? Last time before we learn how to walk, we use FMT? LOL!! bullshit RP.


Then just now I tried to leave halfway telling darling that she meet me later at my hse mrt stop which she sounded unhappy. I left for mac without thinking. Jiayan and huishi was with me at mac, played her psp for awhile. And darling msged me saying that there's a talk later on. Sadly, I went back to meet darling for the talk. I don't actually need, I only need ACTIVE DIPLOMA RELATED points. I went back to pei her for the talk lor!! The talk was interactive and nice. the master of presentation was perfect! after the talk all i asked from darling was to eat with me and she said she's not hungry. she did not eat at all, it was around 145pm(had breakfast at mac). then i told her, you go back and do ur ppt lor since you don't wanna eat. she say ok and left. i was like.. fine.... ok u go and do ur stuff and I'll go home. forget about going to ur hse for dinner. sadly sad sad sad.. So sad.. I thinked again, she's angry.. i'm angry too. but since i'm a guy, give it up lar.. win or lose in this kind of 'war' doesn't matter. it'll only show how childish we are. LOL.. and here I am in library blogging all that I feel out. While listening to music and waiting for her.

i guess she's still angry.. but no choice...




Yesterday I did not go to work, act sick. I know it's very irresponsible, but it's tiring leh.. so I never go for work. Recently, I was watching some English drama and movie, got me thinking is Asian or American better? Lol! Anyway, I'm an asian :) Not really having a fun life.

I wish to have a fun and relax life like living to my fullest, it's my current dream. I see 'ang mohs', caucasians, always having fun.. Scolding here and there, getting into fights, singing and dancing all day long. Happy life they have. Asians seems to be more political and more boring~~.. Am I wrong? More talks less action. Sian~

But whatever it is, I'm an Asian in Asia. So, I guess there's nothing I can change. Hopefully, my life will continue to have some colours.

Dar, u want me to blog.. so I blog this entry cause it's like in my mind for quite some time.



I reached school like 8am in the morning, hoping to see someone I know so that I can relax myself.. How I know, no one. anyway, it doesn't matter. Start of PP le, damn.. I was presenting and only Ms Swati, my advisor was listening. The rest of the 2 advisor was like typing and looking somewhere else, as if I'm like non-existance. Maybe I did went alittle out of point? I don't know, hope I dint screw it.. Anyway, whole day was at Darling hse. Slept for like 4 hours, feel more awake now. Brought Jacky her dog down for a walk, in the end running with him -,-'' Hahaha.. was fun anyway. Tired liao.. Thinking of Playing wow at the moment. Anyone? Hehehe..



What are my days ahead going to be like??
Monday(Today) - Stayed at home to complete my PP poster
Tuesday - going back to school to reformat her computer and print my poster, working till late night.
Wednesday - PP Evaluation date~
Thurs - PH, Working full day :(
Fri - Working full day too
Sat - Off day see who wanna date me out lor.. currently still got this slot, if not most probably staying at home since tmr...
Sun - Working full day (Last day of my school holiday) 1 week nia, how stingy can RP get..

This is my this week de schedule lor.. Today I tried to do my poster, easier than I thought it'd be. Nicely done, neatly done and chop chop finish. Played WOW and took a nap in the afternoon. Darling grumbled that I nvr pei her, but since I'm at home jiu rest lo.. See this Saturday got anything anot.. if no then maybe pei her bah...
I changed my fone le w910i, nice fone but dunno much of the function yet,need exploration!!!
hehe.. and a few more things I'm aiming to do before next year starts.. Build my muscles and stamina for next year's NAPFA and play guitar.. hehe.. guitar rotting at home le.. 1year nvr touch sia.. haha.. That's about it for my entry for today.. need to go and sleep le.. tmr busy day again..